Friday, September 17, 2010


Hello friends!

I am starting a new blog!

Please please please come re-follow me!  Sorry for the hassle :/

Hope you are all doing great!  I love to read your blogs!  (And lots of blogs of those I don't even know!)  So much fun to be able to share and grow together in such a huge and unique community!

Love and Blessings :)


Sunday, September 12, 2010

Fresh Start


Since I last posted weeks ago, many things have changed.  I no longer work at MCC (but somehow have managed to still physically be in Admissions at least three or more days a week), I now wake up before 6:00am, (a time which I only knew to exist a few days of the year, NOT every!), I am an (almost-) official teacher, aka student-teacher with the BEST cooperating teacher on the planet,  and just switched from Tmobile to Sprint.  Holy changes, Batman, I know!  OH and today starts Day 1 of P90x (which we have to do, because we spent the money on it and committed to doing it).

I am also still working through some sort of emotional, mental, spiritual crisis, but am seeking guidance from our Lord and some close friends to do so.  I think a million and one months of stress, overcommittment, busyness, lack of time devoted to the right things and people, and years of other issues are finally coming to a head and seeping out from under that rug under which I have been sweeping them.  Lots of things were revealed to me during our pre-marital counseling and now continue to be as I no longer live in just my room or apartment, but share so much more of my time and myself with another person.  Thank you Lord for healing, forgiveness, and peace found only in You

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Sometimes I wish I had the time [energy] to just mull through all the thoughts racing through my mind. 

I feel like I am playing a part.  Some stupid part.  I am not flourishing.  I am just acting in order to keep not only myself but my comfortable life safe.  I am not truly experiencing life as it was created to experience.  I am reading a book, well, I am reading four books, and just read two other books in the last two days, but that is besides the point.. I am reading a book entitled "The Me I Want to Be;" sounds corny, huh?  It is a little... but it is also opening my eyes to how misguided I have let myself be and how I have allowed others the privelege of directing and controlling my life for me as opposed to allowing God that honor.  Maybe not at first, but over years and years I have left the control room, and am just some passenger, not even flying first class, in my own life.  I was created by a mysterious, wonderful, incredible God to live a life in which I actually feel alive and flourishing!  More often than not, I feel as if I am simply filling a spot, living the life constructed for me by others, and not truly experiencing the glorious freedom I could be. 

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." - Gal 5:1

I sometimes truly do feel like a captive in my own life.  I am stuck in a tiny little box, where no matter what decision I make I negatively impact someone I love and care about, and I am so unwilling to do that.  Its like I can see the long-term affects, the impact on my own self and my marriage making specific choices could be, but I am so scared to trust God enough, to trust He is bigger than my "safe" little box, that He has a plan so much more awesome than mine, that He holds the hearts of my loved ones and wants to guide and direct them just as He wants to guide and direct me.  I feel like I am standing at the edge of the box, looking over, to a scary, painful, exciting adventure, and am just to chicken to jump. 

This doesn't make a lot of sense.  I feel like I am on the verge of revolution in my life and heart and hope and pray I get out of His way and allow God to truly mold and make me His servant and let myself experience the life I was created to live...

Thursday, July 29, 2010

no title today.

Living alone is the pits.  I want my husband back from CIY now please.

In two days I will have completed a triathlon (sprint-style, don't be too impressed).

I love to watch Ace of Cakes.  Ok I love to watch the Food Network.  All the time. 

I want need some ice cream. 

I also need want to lose like 7 pounds. 

Maybe when I'm done with this stupid darn triathlon.

I finished my last college class ever.  And by ever I most likely do not mean ever.  Unfortunately.  But for this degree, I just finished my last college class everrrrr!  I graduate in December.  My last name is Brown now, in case you need to know for the presents you are going to send... ;)

The End.

Friday, July 23, 2010

happy happy joy joy

I am so full of joy.  I feel like the old saying my cup runneth over could be applied to me right now, as, though I have my problems and hard things in my life, the blessings seem to far outweigh the pitfalls.  In an effort to a) blog more, and b) kill time waiting for my husband [I just love to refer to him as that], I will list some of the many things I love/that bring me joy:

#1: Dark Chocolate Peanut M&Ms.  GIFT FROM THE LORD!!!  Nick got me [us] a bag of these, plus a bag of peanut-free ones, for our two month-iversary of marriage, along with two-dozen roses and two bananas.  Does the man know the way to my heart or what?  Throw in two turkey sandwiches and two Francine Rivers books and I am good to go for days!  But seriously.  These perfectly wonderful dark delicacies are perhaps my very most favorite food and if calories (and my waist-line) were of no matter to me, the candies would be a part of my every single day diet.  Darn you calories!!!  ;)

#2: Speaking of calories, I really enjoy websites that allow you to type in almost every single food EVER under the sun and they tell you how many calories per each food.  This is a blessing and a serious burden all at the same time, as in the past, I could just assume Birthday Cake Remix from Coldstone only had like 210 calories per each "Love It" size serving... unfortunately not the case.  However, it does allow me to appear incredibly healthy and intelligent as I regail others with my extensive knowledge of the caloric world. 

#3: New Bible Study on Monday nights!  God has really been laying it on my heart (and I do not use those words lightly) to do something like this, and I am so excited to see where he takes us over the coming weeks.  So blessed to have such great and Godly women in my life encouraging me and lifting me up.  Only a few more weeks until the rest of them are back to town [of course always minus a few beloved friends from the great state of OK!]  But seriously, God is so good to me and ever humbling me through this.  Excited! 

#4: The aformentioned turkey sandwiches.  I LOVE a good ol' turkey sandwich.  They are best in the summer too because tomatoes are more prevalent and I am more apt to buy lettuce and we just got some flat/skinny bagels and sandwich thins with the grains and seeds on top and I am just delighted to eat a sandwich for lunch almost every day!  Yumm yum yum :)  [If you aren't following, the way to my heart is simple:  buy me some chocolate and make me a sandwich and hang out with me.  the end.]

Juuusssst kidding, not the end! 

There are two more things that brings me joy today:

#5: The power of a faithful and praying people, coming together and uniting for one purpose, lifting up our brothers in Christ, and BELIEVING that God has the power to perform healing miracles!  I have been seriously moved this week by the demonstration of God's love this week specifically in two great families in our church here in Manhattan.  Too long of a story for me to tell, but basically one man needed a liver transplant, so another man donated a part of his.  Surgery was yesterday, both men are in recovery today.  GOD IS SO GOOD, AMEN!  If you have a moment to spare, lift up their recovery to our awesome Lord, as it is a slow and probably painful road ahead, but that road includes life, which is what matters!  PTL!

and #6:  I am so overly filled with joy to be spending all my days with the love of my life and husband of 69 days.  Each day I am challenged again to be selfless and love another more than myself, and each day I learn more about patience, grace, and forgiveness as it is unconditionally demonstrated to me.  Each day I learn more and more about the loving God as his relationship to us is one of unconditional devotion and patience and grace, as ours should be toward one another. 

Blessed blessed blessed blessed blessed. 

‎"And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." - James 5:15-16
I firmly believe that God has the power to perform miracles, in Bible times and still today.  They may not look like New Testament miracles; he may not be changing water into wine, feeding a multitude with a small boy's measly lunch, or walking on water; but they are happening and every single day.  I truly believe this.

God is so good.  

Monday, July 12, 2010

the heart of God

Challenged.  To be like Christ.  To live a life worthy of the call.  To trust.  To follow.  To love.  To have a heart, that is like the heart of God.  Matt (her husband) preached yesterday about having a heart that is like God's.  At the end of the service he showed some pictures and talked about the mass murders and devestation in Nigeria done to the Christians there, about how those who lived did not curse or hate those who did the deed, but instead forgave them and gave glory to God for his mercy.  What a testimony to us, what an example of the way we ought to revere and praise God for his plans, his power, his grace, the list could go on. 

Jesus says in the fifth chapter of Matthew "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous."  The Nigerians seem to have that figured out, that we are to see people through the eyes of Jesus, that we are to love with the heart of God, selflessly, and without judgment. 

It's funny, sometimes, the places and the vehicles God uses to teach us.  Two weeks ago I went to a junior high camp in the middle of western Kansas on a lake, with one of my dear friends and past roommates, and seriously was just as challenged as those students, and really probably more.  Among the sweat, bugs, foul smells, and sleeping on the ground, I saw God, and I was pushed and challenged to become selfless, sacrifice for those around me, see people through His eyes, and serve with my whole self.  Teaching and encouraging the younger girls was such an inspiration to me to better do the things we expected out of them.  So often I found myself frustrated, annoyed because they didn't seem to be getting it, didn't seem to grasp the concepts, couldn't look past their own needs and desires and see the world outside their own.  Sounds kind of like God with us, huh?  He teaches us, encourages, gently prods us, and yet we are so self-absorbed and blind to him and the lives around us that we miss out on so much growth, experience, awesome God-filled life that we could be having!  What are we doing?!

The worst is that we know.  So many of us have experienced and known God in such incredible ways, but are so drawn to serving and living for ourselves that we exchange the AWEsome, Christ-centered, rewarding, JOYful life for a second-rate, self-fulfilling, empty life spent searching for ways to fill a void only He can fill. 

Big things are happening.  I feel like God is on the verge of some seriously awesome work and movement in my life and hopefully the lives around me.  Lord, fill me like a vessel so much that I would overflow; use me to reach those who do not know the greatness of your love. 

Oh and ps: Nick and I are great, marriage is great, fun, hard, and rewarding.  I love my life, am content with my location, and really feel like God continues every day to reveal himself more to me and grow me closer to him as well as to Nick.  Praise the Lord!