Last night I took a self-declared, much needed mental health night. I finished work around five and did some of the things I love to unwind and take advantage of my evening off (skipped class). I went to the grocery store (twice), which I LOVE to do. [I recently decided I probably love grocery shopping, menu planning, and cooking for myself so much right now because amidst all the uncontrollables in life those are things I can actually have some say and control in. ...ended a sentence with a preposition...bad. whatever.] Anyway, I went to the store, came home, sat around and did nothing, baked some (crumbly, but) yummmmy cookies, and shared some with the poor babies writing their senior integration papers. [I say poor babies with the highest amounts of respect and sympathy, as well as empathy, as I know, as much as anyone, how aaawwwwffuuullll writing those papers can be. Luckily it pays off in the end as a) you will be able to say you produced a short novel, in just a measly 3-6 weeks; b) you will have learned an ABUNDANCE of information; and c) you will feel INCREDIBLY accomplished and relieved, able to spend the rest of your semester away from the library and never doing another word study or reading a commentary again... ok, ok, we will all read commentaries again. just no more word studies. maybe.]
I went on to get a nice eight or nine hours of sleep and have class this morning canceled. YES.
In other news, I have been very challenged in my thinking over the past few weeks, and by that I mean I have realized that the College of Ed may be trying to brainwash me and trick me into pushing my beliefs and morals to the backburner upon my entering the schools. Lucky for me, a few wise individuals in my life as well as my good old intuition and moral code have begun to kick in, reminding me what it means to live a life that is in the world but not of the world. I was reading in John 17 the passage in which Jesus prays for his disciples, preparing them for a time when he would no longer be with them, that they might live as he had, in the world, but not of it, that they would be one as Jesus was one with the Father. Upon talking to one of said wise individuals in my life about my inhibitions and fears about becoming a teacher, about my worries that my beliefs will be challenged and I will be torn between standing up for what I know is right and having to tolerate and perhaps even ignore behaviors I know are wrong, about how I am scared, because I know what I believe and what is right and know that I am in the minority...so said wise person reminded me that, while it may seem like sometimes I am alone or in the very minority of believers and faithful, that given time, I will find others who are in the field as a ministry, they are just harder to see at first, when all I see and hear is negativity and conflicting ideas and thoughts. [Holy rambling paragraph!] As I was saying, Jesus is praying that God will band the disciples together, make them unified with each other and one with the Father, His Father, God! Just as they were called to stand, unified, strong in what they believe, grounded and one with the Father, so too we are called to stand, unified, strong in what WE believe and grounded and one with our Father. God is so good, and ultimately in the end he will win, he will win the battle against Satan and against this fallen world, and I am faithful to believe that is true!
"I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Phil 1:3-6