hold on, what?

So wait, if its not all about freedom in Christ, about a life that is better despite circumstances, about having a friend and savior who will never abandon or let you down, about a hope that will outlast all others, about forgiveness and grace, about joy amidst a dark and confused place, about abundant unconditional love, then what is it about? Did I forget to learn apologetics? Can I even explain this? All these twenty-two years and the only thing I can do is tell you how great God is? Where is the depth? Where is my proof? I think I forgot to learn more than faith and emotions. Ten years ago this might have been alright, but why am I just now being challenged on the things I think? I don't know enough.

I'm not saying I don't still believe those things, nor am I even remotely doubting the presence or reality of God nor the validity of the faith I hold so tightly to. I'm just saying that the emotions and feelings alone aren't good enough for people anymore. The blind faith I subscribed to for so long isn't going to mean anything to people who don't believe in it and haven't experienced it.

I wish I had taken more time and paid more attention in any class, done a little more research, made just a tiny bit more of an effort, and could defend the faith I hold so tightly to a tad more accurately. I don't know enough. I couldn't do well in a debate about the logistics of the Bible and the why and how of Christianity. I can tell you what God has done/is doing in my life. I can tell you how evident and present he is in my every day. I can tell you about love, mercy, and hope. But how can I begin to explain my emotions and experiences to someone who has never been there?

I don't know enough.

"But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5 8

"For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39