I sit here, with a TON of reading and homework to do, all of last week to catch up on, and can't focus on any of it. I have so much on my mind and heart and all I can do is blankly stare. Don't tempt me with apathy or comfort, no no, I am easily swayed by such things. Run, run the other way. I don't have time.
All I have heard myself say in the last how many days, weeks, months is how much time I don't have. Over and over, I selfishly complain about the pages I still need to read, papers I have to write, work I have to do, events I have to plan, sleep I would rather get, etc. What am I even doing to serve or better the lives of anyone besides myself? Where is my Bible and who am I praying for consistently? My temper is so short-fused and I am annoyed...at you, at the people I don't know, most of all at myself. I can't explain my confusing feelings and I don't know what I'm thinking. I am doing nothing but serving and worrying about myself.
"...do not worry about your life...Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them...Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" Matt 6:25-27
"Then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." Phil 2:2-4