Grammar Police.

I was taught from a very young age to speak properly and use correct grammar.  As you most likely know, I am about to embark on a profession in which I will teach said grammar, among other equally important things, to middle adolescent students.  I believe strongly that you sound more educated and present a better representation of the community you belong to if you speak and write with correct form. 

Most people feel differently.

I get that.

But seriously.  I cringe at poorly written texts and am distracted when speakers present something incorrectly.  I know I am not the only one!  I do not disregard what one has written or is saying, but my interpretation is slightly tainted by the mistake.  I do not think one to be stupid or uneducated should they make mistakes, and I recognize that I am not a perfect writer, speaker, speller, etc.  However, I feel as though I am making great efforts to be such a thing. 

I know the majority of the population disagrees.  I know that, in the long run, the big picture, it is pretty irrelevant.  But sfdjkfhsjdhfjshjkfh it is making me crazy! 

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." -Phil 4:7

:) 

This is the day that the Lord has made.

Sometimes I have to physically stop and look at what is happening around me.  As I was telling a friend last night, it is wayyy easier to see all the negative, hard, stressful aspects of my busy life than to see the blessings and positive characteristics.  I have made a new commitment to wake up every day and see God in my morning, and ask him to be present throughout my day.  I am so grateful to have a God, a friend, who is always ready and waiting for me even when I am inconsistent in my attention to him.  You know, sometimes it just takes a major out pour of emotions and sharing of life with another person to see and hear how much I have going for me.  Thank you, Lord, for being faithful, and thank you, Lord for remembering me.

Not all of it, but a good portion of my attitude is a choice, and that choice is often clouded by negative activity and emotion.  Today I choose to taste and see that the Lord is good.

"The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.  Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him." -Psalm 24:7-8


"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." -Rom 8:28

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." -James 1:2-4

"The LORD has done this, and it is marvelous in our eyes.  This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." -Psalm 118:23-24

A ME kind of day.

This was one of those days I felt really like myself.  No one to impress, no image to live up, no schedule to keep.  Sun was shinin, and I felt truly happy.  It was one of those run in the morning, drive with the windows down and music blaring, sunburn on my nose kind of days.  One of those only girly songs kind of days.  I feel empowered, loved, and in love.  Beautiful.  

Insecurity City, Population Me.

Sooo after much denial and ignoring my problem(s), and I have a large number of them, I have decided to get a handle on it. them. err.. anyway.  I am making yet another attempt to take back control (darn you life trying to steal it from me) of my life. 
 ---SIDE NOTE: Marion and Nick are talking politics in here and have been for at least 37 minutes.  Shoot me in the foot.  I highly d i s l i k e politics, and even more cannot stand discussing them.  I tried to listen for at least 7 of said minutes, and was very much embarassed by my lack of knowledge and intelligence, and have since jumped on the couch, eating approximately 700 calories worth of ice cream, written a short novel, saved a child from drowning, and decided to write this blog post---
ANYWAY.  Due to my extensive experience with counseling (ie. training for camp team and RA four times, miniscule amount of fam/couns. classes, a few emails exchanged with the great and genius Dr. D., and of course, pre-marital counseling) I have been able to self-diagnose my INCREDIBLY obvious case of insecurity.  i.am.insecure.  PHEW that feels good to get out there.  I'm actually not sure why I decided to post this, but since I read so many blogs [embarassed] and those wonderful people are so transparent with their lives, and I typically find myself associating with said lives and transparency, I will share. 

Somewhere along the way Beth Moore decided she would write a book about me, and then take said book on tour and make boo coo [Americanized version of the French term beaucoup meaning much or many] moneys and have loads of fun times talking to every woman ever about it.  Talk about unfair.  [jk to the max, btw, her book is SO good.]  But seriously, her newest book So Long Insecurity is phenomenal and speaking directly to me, thank you Lord for Beth Moore and her book!  The best part about it is it is completely based in Scripture and research and all points straight back to God being our supreme healer and source of security and peace.  ["I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God." -Isaiah 41:9-10]  There have been a couple of sections that I have read and seriously been like, whaaaat, how does she know me?!  I have only gotten so far as some of the root causes of insecurity, and, like I said, Beth Moore seriously wrote this book about me! 

"But a history of unwelcomed changes can be a breeding ground for insecurity, because it invites you to become addicted to dread.  You learn to live life with the constant expectation that something bad is about to happen.  And because life is life, eventually something back will happen, deepening your committment to forecasting doom.  You develop into your own false prophet, and if you don't stop yourself, you won't rest until you're proved true.  It's a miserable trap of self-inflicted insecurity.  You can cheat yourself of ever enjoying the terrific season you're experiencing because you're waiting any moment for it to change--and always for the worst... The truth is, God uses change to change us.  He doesn't use it to destroy us or to distract us but to coax us to the next level of character, experience, compassion, and destiny (79-80)."  

"Even when you are old, I will be the same.  Even when your hair has turned gray, I will take care of you.  I made you and will take care of you.  I will carry you and save you." -Isaiah 46:4 

"Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens.  He never changes or casts a shifting shadow.  He chose to give birth to us by giving us his true word.  And we, out of all creation, became his prized possession." -James 1:16-18  

Hello insecurity, it's been nice knowin ya.

Politics?  Schmolitics. 

Peace and Love. and God.  But mostly just God.

this is my prayer in the desert.

All of my life
In every season
You are still God 
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship.

My purpose is not serving other people. 
My purpose is not pleasing other people.
My purpose is not to be perfect.

I am fallible; I will fail; I do fail.  Perfection is unattainable. 

["This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus." -Rom 3:22-24]

My purpose is to serve a God who is worthy of my praise.
My purpose is to live a life to please my God. 
My purpose is to strive to live a life that reflects the perfection found in God. 

I was created to serve God, to show his love to others, to further his kingdom.  And at that, I want to excell, at that, I don't want to fail.  Everything else should come.  

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory 
And he is here.  

Sometimes I feel like I am on the outside of my life, watching it happen, with little to no control over the outcome. 

OOOOOOOOOklahoma

...where the wind comes sweepin' down the plains.

This post started differently.  I was in the process of making a list  of all the reeeeaallly awesome things I had done so far this blissful, stress-free Spring Break.  However, once i got to hung out with friend yesterday, it turned into something different:

- Graded papers with my poor poor first-year-teaching friend, who has just about the most unfortunate class/school situation ever.  [Which, speaking of said bfitwwwaafouwd, she is MOVING so soon to MARYLAND, and folks, Maryland is over 20 hours away from Manhattan, and let me just tell you, FRIEND, we can't exactly sit on porches and drink lemonade and watch our children play in the yard from 20 hours away... lucky for you, I'm not actually mad, just realized yesterday though that I am sad.  5 hours DNE 20, and a plane ticket costs more than a tank of gas.  I suppose it is time to start planning my family vacations to Baltimore... get ready to resurrect THE BIG TEAR, start in depth discussions about Beanie Baby bunnies, for me to keep cheering for the Colts even though I hardly even know where Indiana is, picking outfits for dolls that look like us, eating chocolate chip pancakes (with the appropriate amount of syrup of course), staying up late late late giggling times a million about who even knows what, practicing our gymnastics (you physcially, me mentally...as in via the Olympics and Shannon Miller), shopping for pj pants, ignoring each other (ahem, me ignoring you...still sorry for that one) on the first day of school, baking baking baking, Christmas parties, growing up from little bitty silly girls into beautiful, grown up, adult women who are getting married and becoming teachers, wives, and developing into servants of an awesome and mighty God.  Girl, I can't even believe how far we've come.  16 years.  Here's to the future of long-distance best friendship!  I love you, mbf.

 [We were very attractive in high school.  Very attractive.]

I sure am lucky to have been blessed enough to have so many beautiful, wonderful friends who mean so very much to me.  I am high on the list of of bad friends, and am so SO grateful for friends kind and wonderful enough to stick by me for the long haul.  Thank you, Lord.

"A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." -Prov 18:24